CurrentMom

Women Don't Ask -- for Cash, Control or Capital

Startup Sunday

Photo by Joe M500 via Flickr.

Women don't ask, it's widely acknowledged, whether it's for money, a leadership position or some other golden apple. Men initiate negotiations roughly four times as often as women. Even when women do negotiate, we typically ask for less and receive 30 percent less than men, on average, according to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, authors of the seminal book on the topic, Women Don't Ask. In the political arena, while women win elections as often as men do, they are far less likely to run -- and then, usually only when someone asks them to stand for office.

This dichotomy has been on my mind for a couple of reasons. First of all, I'm a member of a board that is almost entirely women -- committed, long-term members of the organization. Recently, a man joined the group and immediately put himself in the running for a leadership position. Not a single woman on the board would have thought to do that; we all started as volunteers, organized an event or two and a year or more later felt we'd earned the right to run for office.

Then, a Technorati survey found that men dominate the blogosphere, penning about two-thirds of all blogs. A Mother Jones article on the topic sparked renewed debate by asking where the "lady" bloggers were -- "female" made the headline too long, writer Marian Wang explained, in response to criticism of her word choice. Among the blog comments were stories of women bloggers who'd been personally threatened and verbally attacked for no other reason, they felt, than their gender.

To me, it doesn't really matter whether it's societal pressure regarding gender roles or some biological difference that makes women reluctant to put ourselves forward or to ask for what we want. The results are clear: over a lifetime, people who negotiate every salary increase will out-earn their less assertive counterparts by more than $1 million overall. The decision to negotiate salary for your first job, alone, will result in a lifetime difference of $500,000. Women will continue to earn less and have less power than men unless we can close this "ask" gap.

Protecting Kids

Sharing Saturday

Picture by: PhotoStock-Israel

It seems that every day, there are new incidents of violence within our own borders.  Perhaps it is the nature of today's media where news is virtually instantaneous. It just seems that we live in a far more dangerous world than those of a generation before us.

I remember being able to trick or treat without an adult hovering as long as I was with other kids. I could play outside without supervision, go over to neighbor's houses, or even wait in the car while my mom ran an errand. Now most people would consider a parent who allowed their child to do these things to be negligent or criminal.

It is common knowledge that a basic need of children is to feel safe and secure. So how can we provide this in a world that we perceive to be so dangerous? How do we allow our children to be autonomous when all we want to do is hold them close so they remain intact?

I wish that I could provide a simple how-to list that neatly organizes a plan that is flawless once executed. Things that seem to be tried and true are:

-Meeting your neighbors and establish a relationship
-Call the parents of your children's friends prior to a play date
-When in a safe place, allow your children room to wander and explore
-Call and seek out references of babysitters and caregivers
-Turn off the news when kids are around
-Monitor all the different kinds of screen time (computers, television, phones)

While these tips aren't a surefire way to have a scratch-less child, they might help bring some peace of mind to you as a parent.  Sometimes, this peace of mind is half the battle.

Gender Roles and Parenting: Revisiting Women's Studies

Family Friday

No matter how progressive or educated we consider ourselves, preconceptions about appropriate gender roles continue to influence our lives.  Here are some examples from my recent experience (please note that I have changed some details to avoid embarrassing anyone).

1.  A woman who watches my three-year-old noted to my husband that Danny had yanked most of the stuffing out of his beloved alligator slippers.  She advised: "Just take them home and Jenny can sew them up."  My husband suppressed his guffaws until he had left the scene.

2.  A woman from our church (UU, which is about as liberal as church gets) left the following voice mail message at our home number:  "John D. Churchgoer had surgery yesterday and we'd like to deliver some meals to his house.  I was calling to find out if Jenny could provide a meal for him this week."

3.  A woman I know sent a gift to her nephew "Ken" and his wife "Mary," who just had a baby.  Several weeks later, the woman remarked to me that she had not yet received a thank-you note from Mary.  Note that Ken is the actual relative and that Mary is the one recovering from childbirth.

This thank-you note example really pushes my buttons.  When my husband and I got married twelve years ago, we agreed that I would write the thank-you notes for my friends and relatives, and he would write them for his.

I churned out my notes within a week or so of the honeymoon, while his....well, I'm not sure that they were ever entirely completed.  His intentions were sterling; his gratitude high.  However, he awaited inspiration to compose the perfect thank-you notes, and sadly, such inspiration never consistently produced itself.  The upshot: there are a lot of un-thanked people out there who are still pissed – at me.

Of Thermometers and Steam Cleaners and Magic Mice

Image via Wikipedia

Technology Thursday

Three gadgets I've been thinking about recently are thermometers, steam cleaners, and magic mice.

We finally found a usable thermometer for my toddler. We probably own about 6 different thermometers at this point. I have a confession to make - I have never taken my kid's temperature rectally. He did not get sick until he started daycare at around 5.5 months and at that point his head (off the charts since birth) was big enough that I just used the ear thermometers. I know that this fact may seem terribly unjust to parents who've had to struggle with taking baby temperatures that way, but there it is. Even so, the ear thermometer we were using was often inconsistent and even though it only took a few seconds, it still took too long for even my reasonably patient kid. Plus, you're supposed to change the plastic covering every time you use it, and who can remember to do that? Or where the extra covers are stored?

After watching the nurses at the pediatricians' office use their super fast and supposedly highly accurate temporal thermometers over the course of several visits, I decided we needed to get one.

The Boss and Me (Or the Mom and the Magic)

Work Wednesday

You work nine to five and somehow you survive till the night.

Bruce Springsteen, Night, Born to Run (1975)

I spent Monday at work simply surviving until nightfall. Not because I was having a bad day. (It was filled with phone calls and meetings but was far from fraught.) Not because I needed to regain some balance after our Halloween weekend mayhem. And not because I wanted to connect with my kids.

No, I couldn't wait to call it a day because I had floor tickets for Bruce that night. Bruce! Bruce Springsteen! (Do I really need to hyperlink to his bio?) The Boss! 

Since I've achieved married with children status, I've only rarely gone to concerts - child-oriented gigs excluded. And most of those have been classical or jazz. Somehow, in the mix of events we deem "babysitter-worthy," rock concerts just haven't rated. But when my boss bought Springsteen tickets for his Spanish wife, I knew I just had to go see Bruce and the E Street Band this time. (After all, Bruce just turned 60 in September!) My husband wasn't wild about going, but a good Jersey Girl-friend was.

Beforehand, I thought that I would relive memories of my first Springsteen concert more than 20 years ago.  And I did - a little bit. 

But Monday night's concert wound up being more about now than then. 

The Melbourne Cup – Not Just Fascinators and Horse Raci

Travel Tuesday

The Melbourne Cup, one of the premier international horse racing events of the world, has been run today. And luckily we, Daughter and I, were invited to attend. Apart from the actual horse races run over the 4 days of the Spring Carnival, the Melbourne Cup is almost as importantly about dressing up, making an effort, you watching people watching you, and learning many life lessons. With this taking place whilst many are beautifully decorated (well, most of the time, although some do look like they should be out doing Halloween), Filly's and Freshmen, in Fascinators and Fedoras, Frocks and Fandangles.

It's very handy when such a prestigious event happens in your hometown. Fortunately, where others travel the world to attend, locals like us just have to jump on the train, and before too long be at the track with 100,000 of our closest friends!

Touted as "the race that stops a nation," it's one of the greatest days on the sporting and social calendar – the one day when everyone, young and old, stops to partake in this unique cultural event. It is now so ingrained in the Australian culture, that Crikey! we even have the day off work for it! But while Australians all over the continent (and expatriates too, I suspect) take part in the celebrations, nothing compares to being there to witness another chapter in this enduring story.

The $5.65 million (AUD) Emirates Melbourne Cup is the richest handicap race in the world and the centerpiece of the Melbourne Cup Spring Carnival. The history of the Cup dates back to 1861, where it was founded offering modest prize-money and a hand beaten gold watch. The uniqueness of the race stipulated handicap conditions and a distance of two miles.

It is a race built on dreams, on hard luck and triumph. It is also a race survived by tragedy. But while the Cup continues to evolve it will remain the greatest 3,200 meter horse race anywhere in the world and, by the nature of the conditions, arguably the most challenging to win.

Breakfast Strata: Easy Recipe for a Brunch Crowd

Meal Monday

We don't do dinner parties much anymore. As the parents of a 2 year-old, events that take place after 8pm just don't make it on to the agenda very often. We do like to have groups of friends and neighbors over on occasion however, and since the 10-12 window seems to be the best one for most families with young children, brunch has become our event-du-jour.

Brunch is easy, right? Coffee, juice, fruit, bagels (mediocre ones if you live in the DC burbs like me). It does, however, present me with one small problem. For me, being the person I am, fruit and mediocre bagels do not a decent brunch party make. I want something hot, homemade and substantial on the table. On the other hand, people show up at 10 o'clock in the morning and I really don't want to be slaving in the kitchen early on a Sunday morning.

My solution? Strata! This make-ahead breakfast casserole has a base of bread, eggs and milk which can be customized any way you like. You assemble it in a casserole dish the day before, refrigerate overnight and the morning of the brunch all you have to do is stick it in the oven. Genius!

Discount Codes for CurrentMom 2010: Small Business Conference in Florida

Startup Sunday

If you haven't yet registered for the CurrentMom 2010 conference in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., this coming February, here's your chance to win a free registration! We put together CurrentMom 2010 to give you practical tools to build your business, manage your life and restore your energy.

On top of inspiring speakers, small-group coaching and networking opportunities, each attendee will receive three free spa treatments at the new, on-site Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa, valued at $185. And those are just the highlights of the professional and personal benefits you'll enjoy at CurrentMom 2010, a small business conference not to be missed.

Halloween and a Teen

Sharing Saturday

I've been walking around with my 14-year-old son's non-working iPod Shuffle in my jacket pocket for a few weeks now.  On the back, he had it lovingly engraved – "Agent 0.2."  This is his moniker, the image he likes to project to the world.  In his mind, he's Secret Spy Agent Washington Wizard Gilbert Arenas.  In reality, he's a teenager who is trying on different skins until he finds the one that fits.  Unfortunately, that particular shopping expedition requires a lot of unwise decisions along the way.  He is currently grounded for an array of things --  fun times in our house.

I rub the Shuffle between my fingers.  I’ve kept it there ever since I brought it into the Apple store to find out that it is dead, irredeemable, might as well buy another.  But it reminds me of my son about a year ago, when he was eagerly saving up for this big purchase.

Hoop it up ... like Barack Obama

Fatherhood Friday

That President Barack Obama is a sports guy isn't news, but his men-only basketball game is. Whether it's bad politics or not isn't for this forum. But to all the dads out there I have one bit of advice: be like Barack. And to all their wives: you want your husbands to be like Barack Obama. 

Like today's moms, dads spend a lot of time in a lot of roles. After spending all week as a dad, husband, career man, etc. there rarely is enough time or energy to simply be a guy. Some of you might be thinking, "well, okay, but that's a luxury, or even just a reminder of days gone by." I'm not proposing we need to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to live a beer commercial lifestyle, but I think guy time is much more than a luxury. It's a necessity.

I play in a weekly basketball game that I've come to realize has brought more balance to my life than I could have imagined when I first started. Not only does playing in it make sure I get regular exercise but, much more important, it gives me time to hang with other guys. In between or after games we get to talk about, well, whatever. 

The topics of conversation don't really matter. It's the chance to talk with friends (or even people I hardly know) and simply rebalance. Maybe we'll talk about innocuous topics, like sports or politics, or maybe we'll talk about real life stuff, like jobs and families. And whether it's a chance to simply balance the other parts of our lives by doing or talking about "guy stuff," or if it gives us perspective to take back to our jobs, homes and families, it makes us better men.